When we think of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), many imagine women seeking protection from abusive partners. But the truth is — VAWA protects all survivors, regardless of gender. Still, when a man decides to apply for a VAWA case, he often faces a deep and painful stigma that can make the process feel isolating and shameful.

As a therapist who has worked with survivors across genders, I’ve seen how difficult it can be for men to come forward. The silence around male survivors of abuse isn’t because the pain is less real — it’s because society has taught men that they’re not supposed to be victims.

The Weight of “Be Strong”

From a young age, many men are told to be tough, independent, and emotionally contained. When abuse happens — whether emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual — it clashes with that idea of masculinity.
They might think:

“If I was really a man, this wouldn’t have happened to me.”
“No one will believe me.”
“I’ll be judged or laughed at.”

This internalized shame can stop men from seeking help, even when they’re living in fear, enduring manipulation, or being threatened with immigration consequences by a partner.

The Hidden Faces of Abuse

Abuse against men often looks different — and is therefore harder to recognize.
It can look like:

• Emotional control: constant criticism, humiliation, or guilt-tripping.
• Financial manipulation: being denied access to shared income or resources.
• Threats related to immigration: a partner saying, “If you leave, I’ll make sure you get deported.”
• Isolation: cutting them off from family, friends, or community. 

These are powerful forms of control that deeply impact a person’s mental health and sense of safety.

Barriers Men Face in the VAWA Process

When men decide to file a VAWA self-petition, they often encounter disbelief — even from professionals. Some worry they won’t be taken seriously by attorneys, police, or even therapists. Others fear that disclosing abuse will damage their reputation or make them appear “weak.”

This stigma can lead to delayed help-seeking, depression, anxiety, and deep mistrust in systems that are meant to protect them.

Creating a Safe Space for All Survivors

As mental health professionals, we have a responsibility to challenge the gender stereotypes that prevent healing.
Supporting men through a VAWA process means:

• Listening without judgment.
• Naming abuse for what it is — regardless of who the survivor is.
• Validating their fear, confusion, and grief.
• Encouraging them to access legal and therapeutic support designed to protect them.

When we make space for men’s stories, we also make space for healing and justice.

Final Thoughts

Healing begins when we dare to tell the truth — that abuse has no gender, and neither does courage. Every survivor deserves compassion, safety, and dignity as they rebuild their lives.